itsy bitsy teenie weenie mulberry pink bikini

A bikini competition you say? Yep and I trained 18 weeks for it. All that, just for one day? I know…it better be good.

don’t call me a liar!
I decided to compete in the INBF (International Natural Bodybuilding Federation) Monster Mash on November 2nd at Worcester State University. As a natural bodybuilding federation you are required to take a polygraph test {well then, this will be a new experience} to ensure you have been drug free for the last 7 years. I scheduled the polygraph test the day before the show, when I got there I was the first appointment of the day. I was greeted by an older gentleman {think cute little grandpa you just want to hug} who had me sign some papers. We chit chatted for a little bit and I learned a few things; the hardest kinds of polygraphs to administer are those dealing with child abuse and the easiest ones are the murder cases {hmmm, interesting}. He then goes over the list of questions he will be asking during the actual test and asks me if I have any questions. Obviously, I have nothing to worry about but none-the-less there was something about doing a polygraph test that made me nervous but he reassured me that nervousness has no impact on the results. He begins the test and few minutes later he says I passed with flying colors {phew!}. I think it’s only fair to say that I’m an official certified truth teller.

china, you’ve let me down
In case you didn’t know there’s definitely part of competing that is all about the glitz and glam – literally in the form of rhinestone and lots of them! The more shiny things you have the better! Just about anything that is on your body better have something shiny on it! One good advice I got from online forums was to get competition jewelry from china (it’s all cheap and fake anyways). The only caveat is that you have to order it early enough so that the little boat has enough time to cross the pacific and onto your doorstep. So I did just that, I ordered rhinestone everything; a ring, a belly button ring, and a bracelet all for $20 (including shipping) [#waytogochina #chinaftw #iloveyouchina]. If that’s not a good deal I don’t know what is. There were websites charging $30+ just for one little ring {ummm, no}. I got everything relatively fast but whoever was in charge of shipping my bracelet must’ve been sleeping on the job cause I ended up getting the bracelet the Monday after the competition. I was holding on to faith until the very end hoping my Chinese friends would come through and deliver the bracelet in time… but they let me down. I was in a mad dash for a shiny bracelet just a couple of days prior to comp day. Ironically enough I ended up leaving my last-minute purchase in the backstage bathroom. I guess one lost and one gained… I now have a 5 row rhinestone bracelet and I need an excuse to use it!

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a tall dwarf
Competition day is here and the first order of business was a competitor’s meeting where they go over all sorts of logistical information. In addition to this they go over any arbitrary “cut off” determinant to divide any classes that are deemed too large into smaller groups. For bikini, they determined 5’ 4½” to be the cut off between Bikini Short and Bikini Tall. Since I’m 5’ 4” [#noonebelievesme #dontquestionme #ihaveproof] that meant I would be in Bikini Short, just as I expected. Later in the day when they called all competitors for Bikini Short I was quickly told “it’s not your turn just yet sweetheart”. If there was ever a time I was defending my shortness this was probably it “but I’m 5’ 4”, I’m in Bikini Short!”.  The pretty lady shows me the piece of paper where my name is noted under Bikini Tall. After having just defended my short stature a few minutes back I quickly embraced being in the tall division {finally, I’m being considered “tall”!}. She mentions how it’s in my best interest to not make any changes since this division had less girls in it. Ok, I shall do as you say, tall it is.

a tanning mess
I got my tanning done the day before the show. The actual tanning process was bit awkward but my research prepared me for it. The tan was probably the most annoying thing to deal with, let’s just say I had a few mishaps. The first one was when I decided to wear yoga pants to the tanning appointment. After getting spray tanned and airing out for 30 minutes {but seemed like 3 hours} I was told I’m good to go {yes, finally!}. My excitement was short-lived as soon as I got the evil eye from my spray tanning professional and says “you’re suppose to wear something loose!” {ummm, *nervous smile*}, then she goes and I quote “it’s suppose to be loosey goosey!!”. I mention how this is the only thing I have and quickly leave as she warned me that I’ll have to pay extra if it gets really messed up. They offer “touch ups” on comp day as long as it’s not more than 1/3 of your body {ugh, great!}. The second one happened about 20 minutes before I’m suppose to go on stage for pre-judging. I grabbed my water bottle for a quick sip and placed it down hard enough for it to squirt back out at me. The water goes all over my left bicep causing my tan to streak. Now I’m panicking, I don’t know what to do so I decide to strategically place my long locks so that it covers it (not sure how well that worked). Don’t hold your breathe if you think that was the last of it; I couldn’t possibly end the day unless I had more tan trouble. Obviously, now I know how sensitive this tan is, just about anything will mess it up. This means that going to the rest room is also a challenge – you better make sure not to “sprinkle when you tinkle”! You can see where I’m going here… my last mishap was about 10 minutes before the individual T-walk during finals {someone heeeelp!}. I go to the backstage area and try to find a friendly face and explain my streaky hamstrings. She was nice enough to put some sort of tanning product she had that only partly fixed it but reassured me that it won’t be noticeable on stage. Well then, nothing I can do about it now, it’s time to hit the stage and pretend I know what I’m doing.

lights, camera, t-walk!
I wasn’t nervous on stage, I knew exactly what I needed to do but I still managed to lose myself by the end of it. My sister mentioned that I did well and that my little routine looked good {ok, I guess I’ll take her word for it}. At this point, I’ve done my duties as a competitor, pre-judging and finals are all done. Technically, I was free to go if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew I was in the top 5. How did I know this you ask? During pre-judging where you are lined up prior to getting off the stage matters; the closer to the middle, the better. In fact, if I’m not mistaken the exact order we were in is probably exactly how we ranked in the top 5. Where was I you ask? Next to the girl in the middle, this meant that I was either 2nd or 3rd. At this point, I’m super exhausted and all I wanted to do was get my grub on but now we must wait until about 100 more competitors cross the stage (there were about 170 competitors and I was number 62) for the awards ceremony to start which is only applicable if you are in the top 5. Only after the last competitor crosses the stage would the top five placing for each division become available.

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Luckily, for the sake of those that came to watch me (the bestie Kenne, the sissy Jeisa and the bf Dave) the 100+ competitors they had to watch was not entirely a waste of time. I can honestly say that I had absolutely no expectations going into this but I ended up placing 3rd in the Novice Bikini Tall class – not too shabby for a noob.

sit. and wait.
If I had to choose one not-so-good thing about the entire experience, it’s probably the amount of waiting you do. I was lucky enough to have the bestie, Kenne with me the entire day, it made waiting around a little bit more bearable. You’re basically on stage for less than 10 minutes and you sit around for 10 hours. This particular show had both pro and amateur classes; there was a total of 38 of them! I got there at around 8:30am, I hit the stage for pre-judging around 3:30pm then again around 7pm for finals and finally 9:30pm for the awards ceremony. As soon as I got my trophy, I grabbed my stuff and left. It’s time to eat!

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time to feed the animals
It’s now pretty close to 10pm and I am exhausted! My sentiments at this point is a toss-up between wanting to hit the sheets or indulging in yummy naughty foods. If there’s one thing every competitor is looking forward to the entire day (arguably the entire prep) it’s the post comp meal. Think carbs, carbs, and more carbs! If it’s not fatty and artery clogging then you’re doing it wrong. It wouldn’t be a true competition day experience without this so off to Cheesecake Factory we go! The one thing I was craving was sweet potato fries so I got that with a spicy crispy chicken sandwich and it was amazing! We all know Cheesecake Factory is known for their large portions, I was stuffed so I skipped on the cheesecake {shame on me! I know} but it’s ok cause I had a delicious peanut butter chocolate trifle waiting for me at home.

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2 thoughts on “itsy bitsy teenie weenie mulberry pink bikini

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